I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
