Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Randomize
