the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
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