I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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