i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
