i need an iv and a liver transplant
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
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