oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
NoShamevember. You game?
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
