Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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