the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
