Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize