dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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