Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
