Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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