My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
