Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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