Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
