They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
