we're blogging at a bar
"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
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