Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
