Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
