I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
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