He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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