is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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