No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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