i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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