I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Two words: blizzard sex
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Randomize
