I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
