Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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