Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
