come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
