Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
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