Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
