Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
