oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
If I die, sorry about rent.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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