ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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