Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
