There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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