you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
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