you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Randomize
