Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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