The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
