On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
