Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
