Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
