i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
