If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
