D3 body, D1 cock
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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