this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
