she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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