If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
