Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
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