The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize