At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize