How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
