I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize