my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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