Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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