I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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