I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
