We won't sleep together?
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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