I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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