It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
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