I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
