you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
