Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
