We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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