i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
