Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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