Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
