whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
