I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
