Are we in a gay sports bar?
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
