I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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