I'm lost and stupid without you.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
He kissed a someone with a penis
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
