I have demons in me.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
