white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Randomize
